April 19, 2017

What does living consciously mean to you? If I asked 20 different people what it means to live a conscious life, I’m sure I’d get twenty different answers.

One person might say living consciously is living simply and leaving a light footprint on the Earth; another would say it’s about being mindful in all our relationships; another would put their focus on being authentic and expressing their truth; and yet another would emphasize living their passion and giving their unique gifts to the collective well being.

You see, to a certain extent it depends where we’re starting from and there’s room for all our differences. For me, there’s a central core to living consciously and a very important aspect is the freedom to choose. We don’t always have a choice about what life throws at us but we do always have a choice about how we respond to life in each moment, and these moment to moment choices create our experience, here and now and in the future.

To put it very simply, we either make unconscious choices or we can make conscious choices. Unconscious choices come from our conditioned mind, they’re habitual and they give us more of what we’ve had before. This may be a certain level of comfort or a quick fix as provided by comfort foods or a glass of wine for example, or it may be a repetition of old drama which keeps us stuck in familiar misery. We repeat these unconscious choices over and over until we start to wake up and become more conscious.

Conscious choices bring our thoughts and actions into alignment with our authentic values; with what will ultimately bring us real satisfaction and fulfillment.  Conscious choices lead to learning, growth, and the opportunity to create something new and fresh.

Let me give you an example. This week I met a young man; his relationship with his partner of several years had become so difficult for both of them, they had decided to part. He was very angry; the immediate pain of losing this relationship was stirring up old childhood pain of feeling abandoned by his parents and he wanted to hurt himself and punish his parents, his partner and his child. Luckily, he made a conscious choice and sought out his long term friend and mentor who encouraged him to see the situation as a new beginning, full of opportunities.

If he wants to free himself from this unconscious pattern of feeling abandoned and wanting to punish he will need to make not just one but many conscious choices, every day. These deeply engrained patterns do not easily go away, as we all know. But knowing that we have a choice immediately frees us from being a victim of our past. It may not be easy to change old patterns but it is possible.

Relationships are the mirrors in which we can see our conditioned limiting patterns most clearly. When things don’t work out in a relationship or we feel hurt, it’s human nature to blame the other person. If only they would change, then everything would be OK, right? But actually it’s much more empowering to see everything that happens in all your relationships as information about you and how you can be different. Then the power and the responsibility is in your hands. You cease to be the victim of other’s behavior and become the leader in your own life. This is freedom!

Bouncing Back Now-Guest Elliott Katz 11-10-2010 – This week’s episode: Interview with Elliott Katz, Author and Speech Writer Revealed the Three Keys to Being a Strong Man.

Mr. Elliott Katz intrigued viewers with the concept of being a strong man. His new book entitled: Being the Strong Man a Woman Wants has been translated into 20 languages and is in worldwide distribution.

The Direction

Moving beyond the trendy ideas about a man’s role that just don’t seem to work, Elliott shared insights on being a man that have withstood the test of time. Interestingly, these insights are the traits that he has heard many women complain were lacking in men today:
· showing leadership
· making decisions
· taking responsibility

He also discussed the importance for men of stepping up to the plate. Elliott stressed that women are looking for strong men in their lives. They want to feel safe. In many cases, as women have gotten stronger and more independent, men have gotten progressively weaker. Women are picking up more and more responsibility and decision making and they are beginning to deeply resent it.

Watch the 15 Minute show preview:

How Does It Work For You?

When we hear that all women want a strong man – we re-actively recoil in the generalization. Of course, each couple is unique. In every relationship, clearly some decisions are more suited to the particular woman, and some decisions are more suited to the particular man. But most would agree that major and joint decisions need to be made with participation and constructive input by both parties. A relationship is a partnership; a relationship is a team. With the partnership attitude, the relationship simply works better.

What Are Men Doing?

Where have today’s men gone astray? Katz theorized that since the age of industrialization modern men have spent less time with their fathers. They have fewer strong male role models and limited daily encounters with men in general. In the media men are often portrayed as weak, cast as buffoons in the sit coms, the subject of ridicule, and the brunt of jokes.
Men are genuinely trying to be sensitive to the needs of wants of the women in their lives. Elliott noted that the standard men’s “whatever you want” reply is not on for important decisions that affect the couple and the family. Women are becoming increasingly frustrated by the lack of leadership they are seeing.
Elliott was careful to distinguish the traits of the strong man from a mean, controlling bully – this is not the goal at all. A strong man can be both kind and considerate — as well as decisive. It is a balancing act that modern men are just now navigating. Men’s roles have shifted so far and so fast, up until now, there has been very little in the way of a useful road map. Now there is.